Baby, mistakes were made and you both had to
come to terms with it. There’s a fire in your belly
and your palms are always itching and though it
might not look like it right now – this is what a
better day sounds like. I wouldn’t trade his
church bell hands, his honeysuckle mouth for
anything in the world. But it’s Autumn now
and even the strongest weeds are dying out.
The rain, the breeze, it’s already settling in.
I’m imagining tiny flower hands trying to
hold up its petals during the flood, but
there’s things we just can’t wait out.
So we take shelter. And we say things
we don’t mean and we do things that
leave our knuckles bruised. And
there’s still weeks of nightmares
about rope wrapping neck.
But there’s also this: days when the wind can’t
quite blow you over and its singing you a song
about forgiveness. And you find that you had
the words to it under your tongue all along.
You’ll still stutter, still sing off-key. You’re
out of practice and there’s still a sore spot
where his name is echoing back at you.
File that dissonance away until you can’t
picture an unbalanced spine. This year the
birds really will head South and it won’t just
be in your imagination. You’ll want to hop on
their backs, but gravity will hold you steady.
The wind will whistle. You’ll hum along under
your breath, saying, this is forgiveness and it
tastes nothing like honeysuckle.
If you ever begin to wonder if he is the one, ask yourself:
Does his laughter warm your body from the inside out? He knows that when you say two scoops you really mean three, right? Do you dance in his living room while drinking cheap wine? I hope so, and I hope you’re both drunk and terrible and laughing so hard you cry. Does he tell you how beautiful you are, and if yes, does he say it when the morning light falls upon your face? More importantly, when he tells you, do you believe him? Can you cry in front of him? I hope you can, that means you trust him. When it’s pouring rain does he know that if your hair is curled or your eyes are sad that means he should get the car and bring it to you? When he asks what you want for dinner and you say you aren’t hungry, does he ask if you’ve eaten today? And when you say you had breakfast, I hope he knows you don’t eat breakfast, and makes you a bowl of rice, because that’s your favorite comfort food. Does he kiss you good morning? Good night? Just because? Do you know he likes his coffee black? Unless he wants it cooled, then he will probably want some milk in it, but not too much. Do you know when he prefers tea to coffee? I never quite figured that out with your father, so if you have, you’re a better woman than I. Have you figured out where he’s ticklish? Don’t let him convince you he’s not, I promise you he is. Have you frustrated the hell out of him yet? You will, oh you will, but it’s how you two come out of it that matters. And when he said he loved you for the very first time, did you respond by asking if he’s afraid of heights? I hope with my entire soul that he said yes because that means, despite his fear, he fell for you. Now, darling, you tell me, is he the one?
